If you know golf, you know this: The tighter you grip the club, the worse you play.
The more you try to overpower the course, the more the game slips away from you. Golf punishes force and rewards presence.
I’ve come to realize this truth didn’t just belong on the course, it belonged in every part of my life.
Golf is life and life is golf. Here’s how my life has played out like a round…
My Personal Front 9: For the first three decades of my professional journey, I gripped the club too tight.
In basketball coaching, in building businesses, in hustling to serve clients and grow revenue, in trying to be the spiritual man I thought I should be, I squeezed life too hard. I tried to dominate it, shape it to my will, out-hustle it.
It worked, until it didn’t. It left me with wins on paper but stress in my body, worry in my mind, and a low-grade disappointment that I was missing something deeper.
So here’s my grand experiment for this next season:
My Personal Back 9: For the next three decades, I’m loosening my grip.
I’m letting what I’ve learned in four decades of coaching basketball, three decades of leading people and businesses, and a lifetime of searching for what’s true finally settle into one simple practice:
Live and lead with joy. Show up with love. Grip the club loosely.
A few weeks ago, this lesson hit me square between the eyes.
I played the same course on back-to-back Sundays:
- First round, I shot a 107. My worst round in years (with an attitude to match).
- Following week, same course, same me, I shot an 83. Four birdies on the front nine. Even par through nine holes.
The swing wasn’t the miracle — my spirit was. I stopped forcing it. I let the course come to me. I loosened my grip.
That round became my mirror for life.
The scorecard used to define me. Whether it was the win-loss record in basketball, the number of people on my webinar, the Amazon reviews on my books, the dollar figure on the P&L… When things were up, I thought it said something good about me. When things were down, I thought it said something bad about me.
I assigned meaning to every number, every reaction, every mistake and success.
Beneath that meaning was the real trap: identity. Who am I really? What do people think of me? Am I enough?
The truth is, none of that scorekeeping really matters. Not on the course, not in life.
So now, my measure is simple: Does this feel joyful? Does this feel loving?
If not, I’m gripping too tight. If so, I’m free.
This is my new way: I want to connect with people not to pitch them or prove myself, but to share my story and see if it resonates. I have no expectations. Just a sincere invitation to walk a few holes together: metaphorically or literally. If it leads somewhere, great. If not, great.
I want to spend the back nine blending what I love: Entrepreneurship, leadership, coaching, athletics, consciousness, authenticity, joy.
I want to help people who use golf or sport or competition as a lens for life and who are ready to see business, relationships, health, purpose, and legacy through that same lens.
I’ve come to understand that when I get tight…when I feel stress, when my attitude sours, when the scorecard becomes heavy, that’s my signal. It’s time to pause, breathe, and loosen my grip.
I’m done fitting in. I’m done hustling to impress.
The front 9 was about fitting in — playing the game the way I thought I had to.
The back 9 is about fitting around — playing life the way I know it wants to be played: with freedom, truth, and presence.
So here’s my open hand, my open heart:
If my story feels like yours…If you’re tired of white-knuckling your way through life, business, faith, or the fairway, then come walk with me.
No pressure. No hustle. No tight grip.
Just a joyful, loving conversation about what’s really possible when we let go of forcing, and start playing the course and life for what it is: a game to be enjoyed, not a battle to be won.
This is my grand experiment. My daily practice. My invitation.